Colors in the Dark…

“Death leaves a heartache no one can heal; love leaves a memory no one can steal”

My hands reach out to the familiar cool surface, running my hand over the letters, my blinds eyes know the stone is marble… Pale as death…

A hand rises up from the freshly turned earth and grabs my wrist like a vise. Swallowing the strangled cry in my throat, I realize, the hand is warm… I know that hand, I’ve missed it… 

With a jolt I wake up to the persistent hum of the Air-Conditioner. 

“You… have…to…let…go” Feeling dizzy and weak, I splash some water on my face. 

Neither an easy nor a short process, this kind of trauma can have lasting effects.There are millions of people in the world still struggling to ‘let go’. 

Letting go of the past, especially one that involves divorce, abuse, rejection, death, addiction and life threatening situations is a herculean task. 

It takes a lot of help, patience and support from loved ones. Unfortunately this is deterred because most of the time, you don’t want to talk about it. It is too painful or traumatic or just too personal.

It gets difficult when your family does not understand what is going on. No fault blaming them, how can they understand something that they haven’t been told. 

So here are some steps that might help you let go of the past… can’t say they have worked for me, but hey, it’s worth a shot! 

Letting Go of Your Past: 

  1. Honor your memories. Write about the loss, draw, paint it or talk about it with someone (your therapist can be an objective listener) 
  2. Walk back. Talk to the people involved. Overcome the fear of confrontation. 
  3. Accept your sense of shame or guilt for what happened and own up to it. Let go of pride and apologize to people who deserve it, open up to your family and tell them about it 
  4. Some people try the past. Let the same feeling wash over you. Try to understand that you survived it once and you can survive it again. Note: This should be done under supervision of a therapist lest it pulls you under  

The process of letting go is difficult and painful. But if you try hard enough your mind will start helping you. Your personal power will be harnessed and we can rise above our past. You decide what the future brings. You have a choice. Now you may choose not to turn on the lights because it is comfortable, just remember, there are no colors in the dark

One comment

  1. Excellent post.
    I always see it as a matter of dealing with residues. There’s a crude but appropriate analogy that always comes to my mind in this case. That of a scooter. When it is new, it gives you good mileage and all is hunky-dory. But the fuel that burns in the engine never burns completely. Instead, there are unburnt parts that slowly start piling up in the silencer chamber. Eventually, one starts wondering why the mileage is going down and the scooter doesn’t appear as powerful either.
    Then your garage fellow tells, the silencer has to be cleaned. And there is no gentle way to do it. You have to slice it open and BURN it completely. Literally set fire to it. Put the cleaned silencer back, and your scooter feels powerful again.
    In the terms of human drama that you refer to – I feel that often it is important to own up what you did not do at the time when it was necessary. That is the root of much guilt and shame.
    As for the ways that you have described, I know of another one. Writing your autobiography in reverse chronology. It works. If you write it in the normal way, you often end up blaming the system or the people around you for all that happened to you. But when you write it in reverse, you have to write the outcome first without alluding to the reasons. And chances are that you will then also write how your actions (or the lack of them) contributed to the outcome.

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