ashwin ganesh

White-Knuckled Freefall…

Ok, here’s the thing. Everyone goes through a hard phase in life. It goes by many names: depression,time out, burn out, breakdown etc.

The past month has found me in one of those hard phases in life. Many changes have to be made, realities to be faced, truths to be accepted. Having been a listener and a soldier all this time, it’s no surprise that life has left me with no one to turn to.

How do you turn to people for help when you’ve been their shoulder in similar situations? How do you cry and not listen? How do you cut in and say “I’ve heard enough of your whining, I have some of  my own”? How do you make people understand that you aren’t avoiding them, just trying to make sense out of your life? How much can you hope for people to realize that you are human too?

Looking back at the past month: “Been busy”, “I’m meeting someone else”, “At work”, “In a meeting”, “On the toilet”, “I was sleeping”, “Taking my dog to the vet” were some of the reasons I spewed on friends who wanted to catch up. I’ve been absolutely free, met no one, not had a meeting in a long while, don’t have a dog and I don’t use my phone in the bathroom.

There were people who decided I was haughty and just plain stopped speaking to me. “You are too busy for us huh?”, ” She must be busy with her ‘other’ friends”, “She’s not here when I need her, what color shirt should I pick now?”, “Whatever, I’m not bothered”

There were also the ones who saw the walls and shamelessly barged in dragging me out kicking and screaming. I owe my sanity and smile to them.

Here are  10 unforgettable moments:

10. The bottled eyed fish says “What’s the point in just being there for the heehee s, I have to be a shoulder too. Come on, what’s going on?”

9. My sister and I go out on a girls’ night out. Too disturbed to enjoy, I drag her to unrelated places that just pop into my head. That night in bed, I get her SMS “I enjoy spending time with you! We should do this more often you know? I love you”

8. Marcus calls from far far away:  “My friend will pick you up, you are getting a full day at the spa. Now tell me, is something wrong Boogs?”

“You can’t BUY information from me like that”

“Plan B is coercion – choose wisely”

7. Long ride to my favorite restaurant in the world with my best friend.

6. Mom treads carefully and makes sure she doesn’t leave me alone a lot. We find our way to a play through pouring rain. Quite an adventure.

5. BPC (Haven’t obtained permission to publish his name yet) makes sure that I get a huge hug and we tell each other that we’ll be ok. The plays and movies make us feel a little better. His dandanakka dance made sure we laughed our asses off for sometime, like nothing bad had ever happened…

4. Ashwin notes that I haven’t been eating. I get a call at 1.30 am at work. “Hopey, I’m at your office and I brought food.”

3. Thomas takes me to watch ‘The ugly truth’. It actually helped a little. “You are my best friend and my sister. I can’t see you like this. I need you”, he says. For once, my eyes well up when am not sad.

2. My little brother IMs me in the middle of the night : Arun: wat happened???am so worried about you…
1. The need to get away from people and places and faces drives me to church. The silence irrigates my parched soul and tears finally feel free to run their course… Feeing a tug, I open my eyes… Between my bowed head and my lap is a tiny little fist peppered with my tears, it opens to reveal a small candy bit in half.

As I walk out, the candy tucked in my cheek and the tears back in the vault, there seems to be something different about the night air… Atleast I’m walking now…

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I-am-back!Buhahaha!

So yes, I’m back!

And what have I been doing all this time?

Well, I’ve been on an excellent family vaction to Kodaikanal!

The hills were magnificent and the cold was soothing! We traveled by train from Chennai to Virudhunagar and my uncle picked us up in his car. We drove uphill to Kodai. The guest house we stayed in was at Kohinoor (Yes like the diamonds and the condoms) and it was a sight for sore metropolitan eyes!

One of the many beautiful valleys @ Kodaikanal

One of the many beautiful valleys @ Kodaikanal

Most of the pictures are in my Orkut / Facebook albums.

I also had one of the best weekends ever! I caught up with Thomas (Same Restaurant but no crazy photographer this time)! Then we decided to hit a multiplex. Come weekend and all the movies were sold out except Terminator Salvation. The movie wasn’t bad. I liked the bikes! After the movie I succumbed to a waffle basket and then we rode by the beach.

Waffle Basket @ City Center!

Waffle Basket @ City Center!

I was wiped out by the time I reached home as I had not slept since my night shift the previous night.

Sunday dawned bright and early with my brother Arun Joseph offering to take me to Ice Age: Dawn of the dinosaurs! Little did I know, that our brother and sister quality time would be shared by 31 other friends !!Who am I to complain, we had the best seats in the house… Wait, we had almost all the seats in the house!

I love animated movies and I’ve been a fan of Scrat and Sid since the very first part. Disappointing however, is Diego, who turns out to be a big softie. No saber tooth tiger here folks! He acts like an overgrown fur ball. And to think I loved him! Kind of reminds me of Chandler Bing in Season 9 and 10, where he is always reading a newspaper or a magazine and isn’t really ‘Chandler’ ish anymore… After the movie and some fun with the gang, I came home to await the arrival of my irritating Uncle R. (Don’t’ ask, rolling eyes).

I was supposed to meet with the blogger gang and Apar and Aaarti called in (Hugz Y’all!). Unfortunately, I couldn’t make it as it was too far away , to make it back home on time. Thankfully, Ashwin (my friend who lives close by) invited me over as a mutual friend and her husband were visiting. I couldn’t make it to her wedding and so I sheepishly dragged my behind there and offered an apology for the second time. She didn’t seem to mind and it was all laughs and hugs just like old times…

I came back home in time to catch Uncle R gorging on rotis and mangoes at my dining table. Mom seemed relieved to see me and my brother who was at wits’ end never looked at me with so much love!

I spent most of Monday drinking coffee and basking in peoples’ lovely comments on my new hair cut…

Hopefully I’ll find time to blog more often!

That’s my weekend folks! Hope yours was just as much fun and eventful.