Church

White-Knuckled Freefall…

Ok, here’s the thing. Everyone goes through a hard phase in life. It goes by many names: depression,time out, burn out, breakdown etc.

The past month has found me in one of those hard phases in life. Many changes have to be made, realities to be faced, truths to be accepted. Having been a listener and a soldier all this time, it’s no surprise that life has left me with no one to turn to.

How do you turn to people for help when you’ve been their shoulder in similar situations? How do you cry and not listen? How do you cut in and say “I’ve heard enough of your whining, I have some of  my own”? How do you make people understand that you aren’t avoiding them, just trying to make sense out of your life? How much can you hope for people to realize that you are human too?

Looking back at the past month: “Been busy”, “I’m meeting someone else”, “At work”, “In a meeting”, “On the toilet”, “I was sleeping”, “Taking my dog to the vet” were some of the reasons I spewed on friends who wanted to catch up. I’ve been absolutely free, met no one, not had a meeting in a long while, don’t have a dog and I don’t use my phone in the bathroom.

There were people who decided I was haughty and just plain stopped speaking to me. “You are too busy for us huh?”, ” She must be busy with her ‘other’ friends”, “She’s not here when I need her, what color shirt should I pick now?”, “Whatever, I’m not bothered”

There were also the ones who saw the walls and shamelessly barged in dragging me out kicking and screaming. I owe my sanity and smile to them.

Here are  10 unforgettable moments:

10. The bottled eyed fish says “What’s the point in just being there for the heehee s, I have to be a shoulder too. Come on, what’s going on?”

9. My sister and I go out on a girls’ night out. Too disturbed to enjoy, I drag her to unrelated places that just pop into my head. That night in bed, I get her SMS “I enjoy spending time with you! We should do this more often you know? I love you”

8. Marcus calls from far far away:  “My friend will pick you up, you are getting a full day at the spa. Now tell me, is something wrong Boogs?”

“You can’t BUY information from me like that”

“Plan B is coercion – choose wisely”

7. Long ride to my favorite restaurant in the world with my best friend.

6. Mom treads carefully and makes sure she doesn’t leave me alone a lot. We find our way to a play through pouring rain. Quite an adventure.

5. BPC (Haven’t obtained permission to publish his name yet) makes sure that I get a huge hug and we tell each other that we’ll be ok. The plays and movies make us feel a little better. His dandanakka dance made sure we laughed our asses off for sometime, like nothing bad had ever happened…

4. Ashwin notes that I haven’t been eating. I get a call at 1.30 am at work. “Hopey, I’m at your office and I brought food.”

3. Thomas takes me to watch ‘The ugly truth’. It actually helped a little. “You are my best friend and my sister. I can’t see you like this. I need you”, he says. For once, my eyes well up when am not sad.

2. My little brother IMs me in the middle of the night : Arun: wat happened???am so worried about you…
1. The need to get away from people and places and faces drives me to church. The silence irrigates my parched soul and tears finally feel free to run their course… Feeing a tug, I open my eyes… Between my bowed head and my lap is a tiny little fist peppered with my tears, it opens to reveal a small candy bit in half.

As I walk out, the candy tucked in my cheek and the tears back in the vault, there seems to be something different about the night air… Atleast I’m walking now…

Saturday comes when I want it to!

‘Where the hell are you?’ demanded a harsh voice over the phone.

‘Who the F***k aaa yew?’ I slurred.

‘Huh? You overslept you cow’ Sounded like nails on a chalk board.

‘Whaazure prablem biAtch?’

‘We had to shop at 6’

‘I’ll be there in an hour’

‘It’s 1.30 in the morning’

‘Oh fish’

That’s how I lost my saturday.

Saturday morning was spent watching Underworld and Without a paddle. I slowly drifted off to sleep mid-afternoon and lost my entire day.

Sunday proved to be a different story though. Thomas and I had plans for a play that Sathish had invited us to. We learned that Sathish wasn’t feeling well and decided that it wasn’t fair for us to watch the play without him.

Missed the Bloggers meet, missed the play and somehow ended up in Funk n Jazz with a carnberry drink…

Cranberry Crush

Cranberry Crush

It being a Sunday, I suggested we go to Church. Thomas decided to take me to one of the oldest churches in the city.

This church was built in 1512!It is also the final resting

LSS Church

LSS Church

priest of one of the kindest and most generous priests, Fr.Joseph.

Darkness had decended upon the cemetary and we stood there looking at the final resting place of man. A stange sense of peace settled into my weary bones. I stood there thinking about all the nameless strangers who helped me in life. How often will I get a chance to thank them? How many times HAVE  I thanked them? Promising myself that I would be greatful for small things in life, we went in search of coffee.

We also got pulled over by cops (He was riding without his helmet and had a cigarette lit up. We were on his motor bike). He talked his way out of it!

Our quest for coffee landed us @ Karma Cafe a quiant little place. Unfortunately they did not have my favorite drink called ‘marijuana’ (Trust me it’s awesome!), so I settled for a regular drink with some amazing Pasta.

Their German Chocolate Surprise was the next best thing to… ahem! I went home laden with food and a brand new T-SHirt that says “Eat Healthy – Stay Fit – Die Anyways”!

Crawling into bed, I began the long night of texting and talking to two of the most important men in my life (BPC and My brother). Once we were all talked out, I cussed Monday and went to sleep.IJ with the virgin... Mojito :P

Little did I know that Monday morning would bring me a pair of pink shoes, afternoon some lovely candles and evening dinner at KFC (Anna Nagar) – Please Oh please try the Sparkling Virgin Mojito!!! Check out Inder on this third refill! I had quite a many too—–>

We were high on chicken and refills of our Mojitos!

Then like all old friends do, we went for a walk (stuffing ourselves with ice creams) and I went to work feeling petty damn good.

That’s the story of how I lost my saturday but found out that I didn’t give a damn  coz with friends like mine, Saturday comes when I want it to!