Raj walks into the lobby of the famous interior decorator’s office.
“This is a nice place Archie. Let’s just pick a color and get out. There’s a match on ESPN I have to catch”
“Allo! Bonjour… How are you? It eez nice tho meeeth you Cherie!” A very french and a very gay designer welcomes us into his beautifully furnished office space.
“It ees vonderful no?” His cheerfulness is catchy. A definite positive and joyous vibe surrounds him…
My friend Raj looks over at me. Raj is not homophobic. Thank God for that!
Homophobia has become a fashion statement for testosterone deprived, fickle minded men and women on a gossip diet these days. It’s a relief to be around someone who doesn’t need to pick on someone’s sexual preference to make himself look macho.
“Hey I have to get back home to watch the match. Can we rush through this?” Raj fiddles.
“Oh Oui, but ufcourse, let me ge ze color palette and ve can v0rk on eet”
“Actually I just wanna make it cream colored or something”
Our designer flinches like someone sand papered his behind.
He walks over and hands us one of those circular color pallets each.
“this ees a color veel. Diametrically opposite colors are complimentary colors. They give bold…err… contrasting…ze brilliant” Raj ducks, the flailing arms barely missing him.
“like…er… Amber and India Green, you kno, dark lava and perzian blue”
His fingers are a blur as he points to diff fuzzy patches of color on a giant multi colored barcode kind of art work behind his desk.
“Colors that are ze voisin…er.. ze neighbor no? Next to next. Zey are pleasant…relaxing. Like ze salmon,orchid and eggplant make ze nice scheme. You take your time and come to me no? You speak in ze next room sil vous plait?”
Mr.Fancy colors ushered us into another room where Raj sat in shocked silence.
“Well I’ll be fucked!”
“Sorry boogs… but what the hell was that? India green? Persian something? That racist bastard. I don’t get it”
“Dude, you’ve been watching Russel Peters”
“Screw that… He is talking about A FISH-A VEGETABLE-AND-WHAT I THINK IS A FLOWER. Do YOU know what he is talking about? What’s with this wheel?”
“Relax! There are instructions behind it… “
“Instructions?” waving the sheet at my face, “Men don’t read instructions…Our colors are programmed like windows default.” Counting out with his fingers “Red, blue, green, yellow. Fruits and animals have their own damn names. I got a game to watch. You and Monet here finish up”
Lesson 1 – He may have all the colors of emotion, but a little over 14 basic colors might actually piss him off