On Stalkers…

Stalker: someone who prowls or sneaks about; usually with unlawful intentions 

In English that translates into: Pain in the ass, bee in the Brain, spider on your shirt…

A lot of friends have told me that I’m exaggerating… I believe her exact words were: Over exaggerating (WDF?!)

I beg to differ… Mr.A H, as is the name stored on my phone (but in the full form) is a fully mutated form of the vilest species to call this planet home…

Day 1:

Imagine you are curled up in bed, the rickety AC’s serenading in a flat monotone, the sheet is tucked just beneath your chin and Hugh Jackman is just about to say something in your ear… When the phone rings elbowing it’s way through your near prefect dream…

Me: yeah

AH: Archana… My name in #$@% and I want to be your friend deeyar

Me: click

 Harsh and insistent like a colicky child. In time, you learn to ignore it.

Day 8:

52 Missed Calls and 44 Messages…

Day 12:

SMS1: Dear I’m waiting under your house. Please come a meet me.


This charade goes on for days, in time it morphs to threats, saying “I will suicide and write to the police that it is because of you”

Besides getting annoyingly close to my family and me, he is also a genuine health hazard.

Read his texts and you will be overcome with violent retchinosis . His parents say he is on medication, his doc thinks he is obsessive compulsive, his friends say he’s heading to doom lest we play along.

Why in holy hell would I want to? Why does the world expect more from me when I’m the victim?

Note to Stalker: If you can’t stop popping pills, check into rehab, It’s the ‘in’ thing these days… don’t play Silas with me. I don’t know you and I don’t owe you. I probably would’ve taken a bullet for you even if you were a stranger, but, you remind me of the time I got that pink gum ( Boomer)stuck in my hair.

Besides, you tried to steal a bag of vegetables from an unsuspecting old lady. I understand you mistook her for my grandmother and were trying to win her over, but man you should’ve let go when she tried to pelt potatoes on you.  

You harass old women, stalk younger women, you have no respect for people’s privacy, you pay no heed to someone’s emotions, you have strange people calling me from around the country asking me to patronize you and threaten to rape/kidnap/murder me if I do not fall head over heels in love with you.

I feel sorry for you coz you got issues, but to hell with all those cuckoos who want me to help a ‘poor lost soul’.

 Yes, I’m mean, I’m a bitch, but honey, I ain’t Oprah.