Echoes (Chapter 1)

Saroja couldn’t help noticing his powerful forearms as he put out his hand to accept the cigarettes that she offered him. Like jackhammers, perfectly chiseled, power rippling through his shoulders as he picked up an old military issue canvas bag. Saroja shuddered, hands flying to her stomach. There was something about this guy; Man… all man. She sighed. The one she couldn’t have. She turned around and sashayed to her spot behind the boiler at Gibbu Kuttan’s tea shop. Her usual perch, from where she casually flirted with customers who hoped she could fit them into her rather busy twilight schedule.

He placed the bag at his feet and lit up the Malbaro Lights. The old sleek silver Zippo was the only luxury he would allow himself. At 5 foot 9 inches and a little bulk around his waist, he would pass for an average youth. But average was the last word you would use once you’ve watched him. He walked with the grace of a jaguar, every step balancing his bulk in perfect rhythm. His eyes, pools of liquid gold, shimmered as he let them take in the narrow lane once. Once was enough. Nothing escaped his observation. Nothing escaped John Hunai.

20 minutes into his walk, perching on a milestone,  he casually scraped the toe end of his shoe, the ancient authentic wooden Swiss knife scraping away traces of dark maroon, traces of Muthu Kumar – Entrepreneur, A-Lister, Leech…

Hot!

7 am and it burns! Living in Dubai can be a weird experience. The infamous UAE summer is around the corner (to me it seems like we are smack in the middle of it) and the city is burning up. I’m used to tropical heat, but the desert brings its own formidable meaning to the word ‘hot’. Every surface seems to radiate heat, at 7 am, the sun is mercilessly blinding. In addition, the wind rakes up this sick smell of farm animals… Camels and Horses. Hey, now, I didn’t mean to come out all racist-like. But hell, it does smell like that. It doesn’t help when you hear “Oh this is nothing honey, wait till the ‘real’ summer!’, “That’s why we leave the country in summer”, “You can fry eggs on the street” Oh great! That’s just the fun I need in life, frying eggs on hoods of escalades. The subtle changes are already there: a look of murderous irritation in people’s eyes, an ever present thin film of sweat on Pratheesh’s arms and forehead, my shiny nose in arduous competition with Rudolph and the thirst… Oh the thirst! It feels like the sun just slips a straw in your head and sucks all the liquid out (Yeah like in that advertisement). Even the alley cats are riding low on the patience train. They spit and hiss and have a look in their eyes that’s just crazed if not possessed. Why am I griping? Coz we’re stuck all day in Air-Conditioned offices and when we step out for some fresh air, it’s like you are breathing water. Humidity is right up there in my list of woes, right next to World War III and bad hair days. One good thing to look forward to is the weekends where I will get to hang out with the guys. GA (Soon to be GS) has left Dubai  and we are praying that everything works out for her. Looks like the whole ‘girls night out’ is still a big question mark in my future (as was in the past). The culinary virgin that I am, fate has decided ‘It’s about time’. In simpler terms, I’ve got to cook. Thomas, don’t make me come there and smack that silly smile off your face. Well, I’ve decided not to back down this time. Who won’t when you have two willing lab rats (Love them to pieces though!) Also, I’m pondering about writing a story…in parts you know, like publishing one small chapter at a time… Let me know what you think.

Colors in the Dark…

“Death leaves a heartache no one can heal; love leaves a memory no one can steal”

My hands reach out to the familiar cool surface, running my hand over the letters, my blinds eyes know the stone is marble… Pale as death…

A hand rises up from the freshly turned earth and grabs my wrist like a vise. Swallowing the strangled cry in my throat, I realize, the hand is warm… I know that hand, I’ve missed it… 

With a jolt I wake up to the persistent hum of the Air-Conditioner. 

“You… have…to…let…go” Feeling dizzy and weak, I splash some water on my face. 

Neither an easy nor a short process, this kind of trauma can have lasting effects.There are millions of people in the world still struggling to ‘let go’. 

Letting go of the past, especially one that involves divorce, abuse, rejection, death, addiction and life threatening situations is a herculean task. 

It takes a lot of help, patience and support from loved ones. Unfortunately this is deterred because most of the time, you don’t want to talk about it. It is too painful or traumatic or just too personal.

It gets difficult when your family does not understand what is going on. No fault blaming them, how can they understand something that they haven’t been told. 

So here are some steps that might help you let go of the past… can’t say they have worked for me, but hey, it’s worth a shot! 

Letting Go of Your Past: 

1. Honor your memories. Write about the loss, draw, paint it or talk about it with someone (your therapist can be an objective listener) 
2. Walk back. Talk to the people involved. Overcome the fear of confrontation. 
3. Accept your sense of shame or guilt for what happened and own up to it. Let go of pride and apologize to people who deserve it, open up to your family and tell them about it 
4. Some people try the past. Let the same feeling wash over you. Try to understand that you survived it once and you can survive it again. Note: This should be done under supervision of a therapist lest it pulls you under  

The process of letting go is difficult and painful. But if you try hard enough your mind will start helping you. Your personal power will be harnessed and we can rise above our past. You decide what the future brings. You have a choice. Now you may choose not to turn on the lights because it is comfortable, just remember, there are no colors in the dark…

Matters of the heart!

“Archana, tell me what do you really like about him?” My friend PN just want to make sure that I made the right choice…

Hmm… What do I really like about him? His love for his family and the fierce pride he has about his father. The way he gently teases his mother and how she acts annoyed. Having a brother’s protectiveness for his sister the struggle he had to let go of her. The difficulty he faced to accept someone else in the ‘protector’ role. A profound respect that he has for his brother – in – law which was earned by that amazing gentleman over time…

I love the way he seeks out my hand, the gentle pressure of his arm on my shoulder. The way his resolute brown eyes sparkle with laughter and darken with passion; his big palm that stays firmly on the small of my back when I’m boarding a bus or climbing up the stairs; Strong legs that walk many a mile just to meet me… I like watching him look at cars and admire bikes, cheeks rising up in a faint smile of approval, eyes glistening with excitement, his chest rising and falling in tune to the thrill. For all I know he could be that little boy in Ooty racing his lone tyre downhill!

 It’s all about the way he loves life and each day. Facing it dead on with fervor and faith, he never fails to keep me afloat.  Many years back, my good friend Sophie and I had a long discussion about flaws in people. There is no such thing as a perfect person, is there? We agreed that flaws can either be like holes in a boat or like a piece of a jigsaw puzzle… The ship can sink or the puzzle can be completed by binding it with several other pieces.

 In his case, neither is the hole big enough to cause damage, nor is he a difficult piece to fit.

God truly has loved me much.

I hope that answers your question PN!

Someone to watch over me…

In today’s society, the safety and well being for children is our most important prerogative. It is common to see parents (especially here in the U.A.E) worried sick about leaving kids with babysitters, house maids and in nurseries. Adding fuel to the fire are the horrifying cases of abuse and neglect that seem to be rising with alarming frequency.

Statistics show that one in four girls and one in seven boys will experience sexual abuse before the age of 18.Parents of the victims often admits that they never saw it coming as the molesters are usually family members, relatives, friends or school employees. The children do not complain most of the time. Now, while we can’t really blame the parents for all that transpires, there are several simple ways to determine if the child is living in an abuse-proof environment. I recommend that each parent try one or more of these methods to determine the safety of your child without alarming or confusing them.

Routine Checks:

The younger they are the subtle the signs. I would urge parents to perform routine checks of your child (once in a week or random). Check the child’s genital area watching out for swelling, abnormal discharges or skin abnormalities. In case of rashes, refrain from panicking. Remember, they could be diaper rashes. Also, be alert when you are giving them a bath, in case the child is rash free, yet is uncomfortable with warm water on the genitals, you have to be alert.

Play Simulation Games:

Children who are very young have difficulty expressing themselves and this poses a big problem for the parents. Simulation Games help bridge this barrier to a great extent. For example, pretend to be your child and invite him to be the babysitter. Mimic the child as best as you can, urging the child to mimic the babysitter, driver, uncle or anyone else who has access when you are not around. These simulation games have brought out many a case to shocked parents.

Talk to them:

When they grow up and start communicating, talk to them. “How was your day?” is a great way to begin your conversation. What kids appreciate more is when you share an equal amount.

“Mommy had a big meeting today. A meeting is when all the important people get together in a room and talk about important things… You know, maybe we could have a meeting, you daddy and I, you could be the…”

You don’t have to share the details, but they respect and appreciate the fact that you share and feel comfortable to tell you more.

Let them know that you are safe:

Child molesters often (if not always) threaten the children by telling them that they would harm their parents or siblings. This is one of the reasons that children hide the abuse. The fear can be removed by casual and assertive reassurance that you and your spouse are safe. The child ought to subconsciously believe that the predator cannot physically harm you.

“Tommy, did I tell you about the time that Daddy saved me from that big dog near Market Road? You know one day…”

When a child is reassured that no one can hurt mommy or daddy, you can be sure that he/she will resist the threats of abusers and come to you first.

Elders make mistakes too!

When you make mistakes, apologize. “I’m sorry buddy” doesn’t cut it.

“I’m sorry honey, I forgot all about the movie. I was so busy at work that I got really late. You know daddy makes mistakes too. So what say we get some ice-cream and watch a CD before bed?”

Listen to them when they complain about elders. If they are being unreasonable, point it out logically and back up your logic with examples. By doing this we let them know that elders can make mistakes too. 

Note: Don’t back them up every time they complain. They might start using this to get out of homework and other fixes. So – Investigate! 

Drop in unannounced

It is also a good idea to call on the sitter unannounced to pick up your child. While this cannot be a routine, I urge you to do this now and then.

Call and ask to speak to them

When you have an established routine and cannot drop in unannounced, call you sitter / house maid and ask to speak to the child. Doing this several times a week ensures that the babysitter / maid knows that you could call / drop in any minute

Don’t over react

When your child complains, don’t go ape. Calmly listen to them and encourage them to tell the whole story. When you over react the first time, without thoroughly understanding the facts, we may draw wrong conclusions.

There have been here and around the world, many cases of drivers / maids being detained for abuse and then being released as parents realize that they were hasty and didn’t listen through.

Don’t push

Do not push you children to share or reward them when they do. It so happens that kids have an ocean of imagination and can make up stories to be rewarded or gain your attention.

Believe your child

Find ways to assure your child that you believe him/her. When you hear the child complain about someone, let him/her know that you believe it and will talk to that person about it. Probe and try to find out if the child was at fault. Talk to the other person even if your child is at fault. This assures the child that even if he/she is at fault; you would not only be a fair judge but a parent foremost.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      

Ask for help

Whenever you find overwhelmed or confused about this issue, never be afraid to ask for help. Do not hesitate. Consult a psychologist; there are also many online forums that provide support and direction.

Personally I would recommend consulting a psychologist alone for the first time. You, as a parent, need to come to terms with what’s in your mind. It takes a lot of strength and strategy to get you and your child out of this ordeal.

Statistics show that children suffer from prolonged trauma as a result of sexual abuse. They develop issues with trust, identity, intimacy and self- worth. It has also proven to lead to anti-social behavior.

In order for the child to return to normalcy, a lot of love, support, trust and guidance are needed. For this to be accomplished, the parents have to be counseled themselves and then refer the child to a specialist for intervention.

Note: Don’t be quick to judge, instead use some of the methods above to make sure that your accusations are not unfounded.

Children are resilient

 Their minds and hearts are impressionable…In them we see a hope for our future, for our world and all beings in it.  I know that there is no better blessing that a childhood where innocence is not torn to shreds.

It is therefore, you duty and mine to preserve our children’s modesty and innocence, for there is no better gift that we can give them, than the gift of childhood.

Marhaba!

It has been five months since I left home to build a life in a different country. Don’t you think it’s about time I wrote something about it? Here goes…

Sharjah was a lonely place for me once I moved out of my best friend’s house. I missed home too much. For the first time in my life, I was crying myself to sleep every day. Office was a refuge where I met different people, different nationalities, some tolerant others indifferent, but people all the same. My only comfort was Pratheesh coming to meet me every day. He had to walk for close to an hour and a half and spend an equal amount of time on a bus… But he never failed to come. Every day… one day in the pouring rain, one day in the sweltering heat of the desert. Every day… my saving grace.

The move to Dubai was both smart and economic. Taxis were getting really expensive in Sharjah and there wasn’t any other way to get to office. Now, in Dubai a ‘car lift’ service, more like a car pool, costs me half the money. Staying in Dubai has a definite advantage. Not only do I get to meet Pratheesh every day, I meet his brother – in – law every weekend as well.  Joy Chetan seems more like a friend than a relative. His gentle assurance that everything will be ok, his dedication towards his family, his steadfast values and his non-invasive character make him a good role model. It’s also nice to hang out with Rajesh Chetan who always has a joke up in sleeve and has me in splits!

Pravi Chet and his family are wonderful people and I miss talking to Rency since I moved out. But, they are a little far away and yet we try to get together once a month.

The U.A.E, though comfortable, clean and expensive, can never be home… I miss the smell of filter coffee in the morning, books, the vendors hawking, the phone ringing non-stop, hurried plans, leisurely weekends, books, midnight chats with mom and cold war with bro… Monday blues, books, drive by the beach, road trips, practical jokes, concerts, plays, kids on the street, motor bikes, road rage, books, blogging, TV Shows, dinner with friends, Did I mention Books?

People too… Shopping with mom, Church with grandma, raging at Arun (younger brother), movies with Thomas (My best friend), catching up with Anu, FRIENDS marathon with Ashwin, hanging out with the gang (Gomz, Shannu, Jay, Yas, Kalps, Inder , Sang etc), Potluck with THE gang (the blogger gang, you guys are too many to list – check out my blog roll!), chatting with friends abroad…

However, Dubai is where I live now. Though this is not home, the people here try to make up for all the love and friendship I left behind. Rency and Prabhu Anna, Joy Chetan and Rajesh Chetan, Pravi Chetan and Jini Chetathi, Ajayan Chetan and Nisha, Francis Uncle and Molly Aunty, my lovelies Roxanna and Ponnus – You have helped thaw me out…you did it with grace and I am grateful beyond words for it.

Pratheesha… I must be insane to love you so much, but love is the only sanity left in the world, isn’t it?

I have a message…

I have a message – for a man who means the world to me.

This post goes out to him… He who came from a distant land and swept me off my feet…

To someone who always seeks me out in a crowd and calms me down with his smile… Who would walk for an hour in the freezing rain just to say hi and walk back again… Who I learnt to love, respect and miss more than I ever imagined possible…

To a man who is all man… Steadfast in love, loyal to a fault and anchored to his family…

To a piece that brought my picture to life…

To the boy in him,  to the loving son, the loyal friend and the protective brother, to the man I’m in love with… I have a message…

Happy Birthday!

I’m still here!

This is in reply to all the hate mail I have been receiving in the likes of “Where the **** are you?” and “To the lady with the dead blog…”

I’M STILL HERE

So what have I been doing?

I met someone… Was confused about my feelings for him… Fell madly in love… Moved to another country so we could live in the same city… Found a job there… Stayed with a lovely friend… Moved out… Moved again… Found new friends in his cousins… Camped… walked… was scared out of  my mind… Went on picnics… played in Toys R Us for hours… Swam (or tried not to drown)… Ran… Flew back home… Flew into Dubai again… MAN I HAVE BEEN BUSY!

So I’m here… and I will write… Need some time to gain control… It has been an emotional roller coaster (I know it is a menopausal statement… anyways…He he he)!

Current Status: In love, Busy, No access to internet and feeling extremely blessed.

E-mail me if you want to see our pictures… CIAO!

P.S: I miss reading  your blogs and commenting… but that doesn’t mean I treasure you all any less!

Wear Helmets!!

How many of us wear helmets when we ride our bikes?

There was a phase where not wearing helmets was ‘cool’. Some of the common excuses were ‘It suffocates me’, ‘Am going bald here!’, ‘I can’t hear the other vehicles on the road’,'My brain stopped growing’ (We came up with the last one) lol!

Now, there are a lot of incidences that slap us on the face and ask us to take this safety precaution. Like the time I flew off the back of a bike, doing 100 kms/hr, bounced over a divider/median and landed in front of an oncoming  car on the other side of the road. No helmet – head trauma, lost huge chunks of hair and told that my Halloween costume was so cool!

Here is a more recent one:

A few weeks back, Priyan decides to catch up with some friends. He rolls his bike out and starts it. Now it’s a well established fact that Priyan does not wear a helmet. Despite being pulled over by cops, he just never seems to like wearing one. Now, our daredevil, gets this gut feeling… an instinct that prompts him to wear a helmet this particular day. There he is cruising down the street when all of a sudden there is a smarting pain on his neck. He slows down the bike to check it out. To his horror he realizes that what he is choking on is a kite string (Maanja Nool). Please remember that here, the kite strings are coated with deadly components to give it strength and durability. This string is coated with a paste made with dough, ground glass and what not.

It quickly cuts through his helmet and is starting to gnaw at his throat. Eyes widening with pain, he lunges for the string and manages to pull it off his throat severly damaging his pinky.

“A piece of flesh flew off the pinky” he says

“So what did you do?” We ask, throats parching with anxiety.

“I caught it, put it in my pocket and rode to the hospital. I have no idea how I did it” He explains.

He lost a lot of blood and gained 8 stitches on his finger.

“I keep thinking what would have happened had I not heeded my instinct” he says, obviously thankful for the helmet.

National level statistics showed that 71.4 per cent of head trauma victims were two-wheeler riders and below 40 years. And Dr.Ganpathy, leading Neurosurgeon in India, claims “In my 30 years’ experience I have come across only two patients who died despite wearing helmets. Even advanced intensive medical therapy and skilled neurosurgery cannot correct severe irreversible brain injuries”

People, this is a message that comes as a reult of personal experiences:

It’s cool to wear a helmet… Totally uncool to wear your best suit to be buried in.

I’d rather wear a helmet than an arm cast or worse a catheter.

Here are some tips to make helmet wearing more fun:

Get your friends together and wear helmets of the same design, like a crew.

Customize your helmet with stickers and symbols that mean something to you. (You can get anything from “If you can read this, back the **** up!” to “Paddle faster, I hear banjo music”)

Get your helmet signed by from your friends/family – It’s unique and super cool!

Buy different bandannas and wear them across your face… Something symbolic and catchy. From skeleton masks to pink flowers, you can project a different mood each day!

Gift helmets with personal touches. They’ll get the message!

If you have more cool ideas do leave them in the comments section!

Remember, for some, there is heaven, for the rest of us, there are helmets!

Today…

Raindrops on the window sill,

hot tea on the stove,

luke warm memories,

knees gathered at the chest,

an effervescent smile,

the phone rings…

Life is good today,

Hasn’t it always been?