phobia

Archie… Bounty Hunter Extrodinaire! (part 2)

Img Courtesy: Fire-Designs.com

Img Courtesy: Fire-Designs.com

So this is where I die, bludgeoned to death by a Neanderthal off his meds.

“Ulle irukaanga” He grunted (they are inside)

In all this commotion I failed to notice a man by the door, watching us… Anger rose up inside me, like I was about to throw up lava.

Deepak Debnath, scum of the earth. In high school he had asked me out twice and had been turned down. This resulted in him exploiting his artistic license on bathroom walls, with anonymous paper copies of the same being left on lunch bags and homework books.

Ex-Nothing held out a hand I took it.

“ AJ? I don’t believe it! How’ve you been cupcake?”

“Don’t-call-me-that” I said gritting my teeth.

I’d made fists. He turned to Ex-Nothing “Leash your cat bro”

In a flash ex-nothing lunged for him only to be bodily lifted off the ground by mammoth himself.

“Inga no fighting” (No fighting here) he growled.

“Fucking mammoth” ex-nothing obviously didn’t enjoy being man-handled.

Suppressing a sudden giggle, I waddled in after them and found Silva* on the couch, wasted.

“She wants to stay with me.” Deepak Debnath, putrid dog turd.

“I want to hear her say it” “Then come back tomorrow cupcake”

I looked to ex-nothing for help. He was busy with mammoth’s X-Box. What is it with men and X-Boxes?

After a lot of argument and name calling,(Mammoth keeping Ex-Nothing from maiming Deepak or worse) he stirred Silva*. She sat up on the couch and promptly spewed her last meal. A few minutes and a glass of water later, she came to and sat cross- legged, groggy, swaying…

“Tell them you won’t go home” Deepak Debnath, gutter slime

“unh”

“Silva*, It’s Joycey, look, I’m gonna take you home to your mother now ok?” “No” She sulked like a five year old

“What? Listen your mother is worried about you. Call her. I’ll let her know you are safe ok?”

“I’m staying with Deepichoo… We will have parties and two dogs and three little girls…” Hacking cough. “We are a couple now.”

She rocked back and forth outlining her dreams… She seemed so vulnerable.

“Err… Boo… your mother is more important, go home tonight. We’ll talk tomorrow” I turned to Deepak, was he sweating? Ex-Nothing and I exchanged an amused look.

“What’s the rush?” Guess Ex-Nothing will get to land a sucker punch after all.

“We’re leaving. Dogs and kids sound lovely” I pulled ex-nothing away and realized he was half-smiling. Obviously enjoying the way things were turning out.

“You can’t leave. Her mom’s worried about her, get ready boo, you have to go home” He shot us a murderous look “can you wait outside?”

“You can’t force her to do anything against her will dude” Ex-Nothing faced him squarely.

“Wait-the-fuck-outside” he was sweating and profusely at that… Debated with himself and added “Please” through pursed lips.

I pulled Ex-Nothing outside and we flopped down on one of the stairs leading up to the terrace. My eyes felt like they were filled with sand and a thousand trolls swing danced in my head.

“My neighbor’s cat is an FTA. Wanna take up the case Ms.Bounty Hunter?”

“Shut up”

Raised voices inside the house. Silva* high pitched and obviously crying… Deepak Debnath, pimple on the… well, I hated him and everything he stood for. MEN!

“Wanna get some dinner once this is over?” “I’m not hungry” He took out his mobile phone and got busy. Watching his ever familiar features I had a moment of what the Japanese call… Satori

There are men in my life that I love and despise with equal fervor.

Arun, who is talented, predictable, irritating, loving. Thomas, mature, silly, respectful, trustworthy, reliable, annoying, the look in his eyes when he picked me up bloody and disoriented in the accident said it all. TK, silly, lazy, affectionate, funny, and sweet, putting up with my phobias, he sets my heart racing conveying more in his “take care” and “you too” than in our entire conversation. Sathish, struggling between two extremities, of having to be human and his call to be super-human. John who is nothing short of a miracle…

Men, whom I respect, men I love, men I’m friends with, men I simply hold in awe…and then there are the Deepaks , freaks of nature, rude, ill-mannered, despicable, perverted, virulent, no respect for self / others…

“How about if we skipped dinner and went to that Donut place by the beach. Two friends talking over a…a…Strawberry Glaze and a Mochachino if I remember right… How about that?”

Damn, “Yeah… How about that?” I met his eyes and smiled.

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B***h Slapped!

I went pink for a day!!!

I went pink for a day!!!

Well… that is what my friend said after visiting my blog today. <piercing whiney voice> “Why It’s pink! It feels like you’ve b**** slapped me”

Nah, for that I’d have to make you hear your voice… I think to myself.

Now, I’ve battled this all my life – PINK and all that it stood for.

When I was a little girl my world was in monochrome, colors did not fascinate me, climbing trees and falling off stuff did.

Then my world changed to windows default settings – few basic colors. I knew that plum was a fruit, wondered if salmon wasn’t a fish and thought turquoise was a bad word. I hadn’t given a second thought to pink.

And then, D came into our lives. D is a wonderful person; gentle, caring sensitive, the kind that remembers your birthday… the best friend types and oh so gay! It was D’s morbid attachment to everything pink that gave me my first ever case of ‘heebedijeebies’ (a term used my a wise man named King Julian to describe a rather unpleasant feeling). It was then that I started to run from pink and everything it stood for.

According to him, pink was not only a color but a symbol of his socio-cultural identity, a verb (oh he was totally pinking on me), an adjective (oh what a pink feeling!) and a replacement to any word his brain could not figure out…

“(sniffing)they os.. os.. pink haters (waaaah…boohoo..)”

“Ostracized you D?…”

Everytime I see a guy with a pink shirt , a pink scarf, a pink shopping bag … a little bell in my head rings “gay gay gay”.Three times I tell you, like divine intervention…I quote one Mr.Johar “Pink is the next black… I think it’s hot!” I rest my case.

I also thought pink associated with piglets. (D thinks they are ‘precious’) pink ,pink, pink, oink oink… see?

Well, applying the same theory last week, I realized – God is pink! He is loving, forgiving, sweet (c’mon say it aloud) loving, forgiving, sweet, loving-forgiving-sweet… hearts-flowers- butterflies…. candy-apples-sugar.. pink-pink-PINK! What a smooth transition!

Being a single woman, I had vowed stay away from men riding pink scooty peps, sporting pink towels on their shoulders or seem to teaching the alphabet ‘u’ to another man at close quarters. I plan to keep every one of them.

But, I have renewed respect for the color, If God is pink, it musn’t be so bad after all.

So here I am, trying to b**** slap my karma balance back into shape. It has taken all my stength, will power and sanity (what’s left of it) to sport a pink blog.

But I shall do it with my head held high.

And someday when I meet you in hell, I’ll tell you about the look on your face right now!!!!