I used to call myself a feminist

I used call myself a feminist,until it got me labelled me a nympho – man hating – sexually deviant creep.

Image Courtesy: allieduthie dot files dot wordpress

It is like this. You have a favorite coffee shop, it is classy, no nonsense coffee served with some peace and quiet. You are surrounded by people minding their own business and drinking their coffee. News papers give your coffee place rave reviews and suddenly everything goes to hell. First of all the menu changes to exotic flavors that could be offensive words from across the world creep into the menu. Next come fancy bagels and desserts in a variety of choices, slowly someone plays the radio, then there are all these kids twittering and face booking via WiFi and flashes of camera bulbs. It smells like a deli and you cant  get some f*****g coffee.

That’s what happened. To be called a feminist once meant that you supported the cause of equality and the right to make life choices. Now people (who obviously don’t have a dictionary or common sense) are content to believe that feminists are women who hate men. Feminists are considered fool-hardy women who push social limits just to show they are equal. My fellow feminists have been called ‘man-haters’, ‘bra-burners’, ‘morally deviant’ and a lot worse. God forbid if you call yourself a feminist and you happen to have a penis. You were ragged, name called, ‘messed up’ for the heck of it and automatically categorised as someone with a vested interest.

Just because I say NO when a person forces himself on me, because I resist rape and speak against it, because I’m not afraid to look people in the eye , to believe that I have the right to my body, because I choose to fight violence not based on sex but on the act, because I want my daughter and wife to be safe and respected…  Just because I choose to believe in something you don’t have the balls to see…

You declare ‘men and women can never be just friends’ – how sad your life must be. You think women get raped because they are asking for it – do people get mugged because they ask for it? Use your head. ‘Women are victims of violence because they dress provocatively’  – Have you heard of Nirbhaya, Mathura, Aruna and Soumya ?

Like many feminists across the world, I too have grown tired of the baggage that comes with the label. Jen in her post: Feminism Isn’t Working and I Give Up says:

I have arguments with otherwise entirely reasonable people who wonder aloud whether women really take enough responsibility for avoiding rape, that maybe they’re just not careful about what they wear and where they go, because women’s sexuality just isn’t the same as men’s, and we don’t understand how hard it is for them to control their penises.As if every woman in America doesn’t have a list of things in her head that she does to avoid getting raped. As if the staggering 35% of college aged guys who have admitted they would rape someone if they thought they could get away with it are beyond educating. As if we are completely wasting our time hoping for any better.

Cait declares:

Let’s get one thing straight, my hate/dislike/indifference/love/affection has nothing to do with your gender, orientation, political choices, hockey team, preference of finger to pick your nose.

Amit states:

A majority of women [sic] do not know what real freedom is. The irony of mankind is that we have used the very act of creating life to abuse women and then blame them for it. It is similar to cutting a tree that sustains life and then blaming it for being in the middle of the road.

We have to bend this devious road or there won’t be any trees left.

My friends and I are tired of trying to make people understand that the coffee shop has been taken over by morons for whom the syllabel FE is always followed by Male. One lady even had the audacity to tell me “Come on, you haven’t considered sleeping with your friend even once? and rape? How can it be done if the woman doesn’t allow it?”

I wish dear friend you would understand, because Feminism doesn’t mean I’ll walk around naked and ask men not to touch me. Feminism is not Miley Cyrus sending horrified parents running to their children’s rooms to burn the care bear toys. Feminism does not aim to castrate all men or donate chastity locks for women. Feminism is not ‘I have the right to wear, you DON’T have the right to touch‘ screaming from a t-shirt that’s about to rip any minute.

Feminists don’t hang around teaching women that all men are bad and must be sent to jail. Feminists don’t wear all pink outfits and go handing out perfumed notices about hating rapists and jailing senators.

Feminism is a beacon of hope, a father sitting his son down to talk about respecting women; Feminism is when men and women treat each other with respect and humaneness. It is a herald for a world without violence, a plea for the right to live without violence, a life style, an appreciation for God’s gift of life, an eternal prayer that people regardless of gender get to live with dignity, equality and safety.

Well, this blog has given me an opportunity to rest my tired back. But the strength to carry baggage title et all will come.

My mother, husband, father – in – law, my sister, my nephew (a little boy with a feminist man’s heart), fellow bloggers, friends, activists in organisations like MARD and Bell Bajao  –  all continue to show me that being a Feminist does not mean carrying a torch, but the willingness to pass it on.

I’m a feminist – if you have a problem with that, I know a place where you can stick it.